Here I am, my first night on Koh Tao.. What was supposed to be an early “chill” night has escalated to being on a beach past midnight dancing off the few drinks I chugged… Hey, I can always have a chill night tomorrow, right?
My cut-off time is approaching: 10 more minutes and then I head back to the hostel. Suddenly, I notice a group of guys to the right of me and the one facing me is clearly trying to get my attention. He’s being pretty persistent, but not in a creepy way. I take a good look at him, “oh, he’s pretty cute”, I think.
He finally approaches me, we exchange names and the cliche “where are you from?” talk. We have a fun banter. We’re joking around & dancing as stupidly as possible. I won’t lie, I’m charmed in a way that doesn’t happen easily. Maybe it’s the accent, maybe it’s the smile, maybe it’s the humor. We exchange Instagrams, find out we’re staying at the same hostel (our rooms are right across the hall, actually), and it doesn’t take long for him to lean in for the first kiss. We stay together that night until about 4am. At one point, he confesses how comfortable he feels & that perhaps we should pay each other a visit one day.
Fast forward to about 5 days later: we were no longer following each other on Instagram.
In fact, we stopped speaking entirely after about 3 days.
Cause that’s the thing with travel flings: they’re intense, they’re fun, & for a split second, you actually think it means something. But the harsh reality is, they usually don’t.
At least not long term. And let me be clear, I never had long-term intensions or desires with this particular person. I need a LOT more than he gave me for my brain to start opening up to a future with someone… we didn’t get remotely close to that (it was very unserious). BUT, I definitely formed a very fond first impression of him that night… an impression that he failed to replicate going forward (and that’s putting it as nicely as possible).
My History with Travel Flings
I’m going to use the term ‘fling’ instead of romances because that’s what most of my experiences have been like. Short & sweet. I think there’s only one instance that I can truly call romantic… but we’ll get to that.
I honestly have so many travel fling stories, I could probably start a podcast, but let’s give a brief timeline/summary:
2014: I have my first kiss in Nice, France on my very first trip to Europe. I was so nervous… it was cute. I forgot all about it until I started writing this.
2019: My first encounter with a guy in my adult travels. It was in Krakow, Poland and he was staying at my hostel. I remember he stayed up until 4am with me (when I had to get picked up for the airport). Very sweet guy! Hope he’s doing well.
2022: Travel is fully reopened & I am returning to Europe with a newfound sense of confidence (& boy craziness). I would never be judgmental of someone’s ‘hook up phase’ because I had one of my own. It was in 2022 when I went to Amsterdam & Portugal. I met a handful of attractive men and I was in heaven. My actions & intentions were VERY different than they are now… And it’s honestly for the best. I didn’t always put myself in the safest positions, though fortunately, I was never in danger… Still, I shouldn’t have gotten into cars/motels with men I barely know… but I did.
Most of these men were lovely… very kind and cool despite there being a clear sign that this wasn’t going anywhere the next day.
One of the guys was… awful. Fortunately, I didn’t sleep with this guy, but I did end up back at his hotel and had the pleasure of listening to him rant for 20 minutes about how the girl who was over the night before didn’t put out and that she completely wasted his time (the irony of all of this isn’t lost on me.. trust me).
This was definitely my peak “I’m just here to have fun” era and you know what? I DID have fun. It’s not how I prefer to move nowadays, but I can’t shame past Talia. She’s grown up a lot since then.
2023 Part 1:
I’m backpacking Southeast Asia while in a terrible long distance relationship. I’m obviously not involved with anyone at this time. Hell, I’m hardly involved with my then-boyfriend. This was an extremely painful time. I was having life changing experiences every day while simultaneously going through heartbreak & some of the greatest disrespect I’ve ever encountered. Maybe one day I’ll tell that story.
2023 Part 2:
I’m single, happy, & ready to have fun (just more mindfully than the year prior).
I travel for 3 weeks & I meet a lot of amazing people! I realize that I don’t need to hook up… it’s fun to just kiss someone after a fun night. Actually, I end up befriending a lot of these guys! A couple of them I still talk to today. This is probably the healthiest & happiest I’ve felt while traveling and the most secure I’ve felt in the handful of flings I experienced. I had a blast, but practiced good boundaries. That’s how it should be!
2025: I’m back to backpacking after a long break! I end up in a fling that had potential to really go somewhere. We arranged our itineraries to spend a week together in Vietnam, and had plans to travel together in the future. He’s an amazing man, but I know deep down that we aren’t right for each other long-term… So, it’s since fizzled. No hard feelings. I appreciate what we had when we had it. It’s the closest to a true travel romance I’ve ever experienced.
How to Approach Travel Romances
Travel flings/romances are part of the fun of travel! Travel in and of itself is a wonderful opportunity to get out of your comfort zone and have experiences you wouldn’t otherwise have at home. You get to meet people you’d never meet at home, and you realize that there’s WAY more to your hometown.
If you catch a vibe with someone while traveling, I’d say it’s your call on how you want to approach it. Let’s say you’re someone who falls quickly & romanticizes every love interest… I’d suggest easing into it and protecting your peace. If you feel like things are getting too intense, maybe take a step back. The reality is: most travel flings don’t go anywhere. If you can’t accept the very likely possibility that you’ll never see this person again once one of you move on to a new destination, it’s not worth it.
Over the years, I’ve grown to see travel flings as part of the experience. Similar to the person I’m experiencing, I will move on from the destination I’m in, but the memories will stay with me forever. That doesn’t make the connection insignificant, it just means that some moments stay in one place, and that’s that. Everything is temporary, and that often includes the people we meet. You can still follow them on Instagram if you want. You can keep in touch & hey, maybe you will see them again, but the better you are at detachment, the more sane you’ll feel once it’s time to say goodbye.
And hey, once you move on to the next place, there’s new people to meet… new possibilities.
I’m not saying there’s no chance you’ll meet the person you’ll end up dating long-term while traveling… many do! I’ve met several couples who met while traveling and they continue to travel together.. They’re living my dream (totally not jealous at all)! It’s absolutely possible- just don’t come in with that intention! Life moves fast on the road. You may think you’re into someone, but give it a week or two. But if you meet someone really special & you’re both on the same page, then anything can happen! If you hope to meet your future partner on the road, I hope you do one day!
How to Know if There’s a Future
This is a tricky question to answer. I can’t give the cliche “if you know, you know.” It’s more complicated than that. Yes, you have to deeply care about the person. Yeah, the connection needs to be strong enough. But there’s other factors to consider:
Where does this person live? Are future visits realistic?
Is this person traveling long-term? Are you? Is there a possibility of merging your plans in any way?
Do you see this person as someone you can solve problems with?
Are you both on the same page?
Is there chemistry AND compatibility? Chemistry is easy to find while traveling, but someone who’s a good, long-term compatible partner… that’s rare.
Is the connection growing stronger?
There’s no right or wrong answers here. If you meet someone & you both want to make it work, then it can absolutely work out.
How to Get Over Hurt Feelings/Heartbreak
It’s hard to walk away from a travel fling, especially if you caught feelings. It’s so easy to romanticize the idea of them. You start to wonder if it could work out if you both lived in the same place… or maybe if ONE thing had been different, it could’ve worked out.
The ‘what ifs’ can haunt you for a long time if you don’t learn to accept exactly what happened: you met someone, you liked them, the experience was amazing, and for whatever reason, the fling has ended.
I’m heavy on the belief that life happens FOR you. You can never mess up what’s meant for you. If it’s meant to happen, it will. If it doesn’t, there’s likely a really good reason. You’re just too close to the picture to understand why it didn’t work out, but trust me, in time, it’ll make so much sense and you’ll be grateful things played out the way they did.
You’re still allowed to be upset. Be as upset as you need to be, but don’t let it ruin your trip & don’t lose hope for a better connection in the future.
Learn to appreciate the good times for what they were. Accept that travel flings are often temporary, but no less electrifying and fun. They often end in a bittersweet goodbye, but sometimes there’s hurt feelings and drama. The good news is, if it ends badly, you’ll likely never see them again. I realize that’s often why people are sad in the first place, but there’s a silver lining. This person has virtually no real impact on your daily life. You can fully move on from any embarrassment, resentment, and hurt feelings because you likely won’t be reminded of them very often.
You still haven’t met everyone in your life that will mean something to you. Something that really comforts me while trying to move forward is remembering that what’s ahead will be better than whatever I’m leaving behind.
Read this twice: what is yours will never pass you by.
I’ll never stop believing
I continue to believe that I’ll meet my person while traveling. It’s very important to me that whoever I end up with has a similar desire to travel the world. It has to be a part of their life in some capacity, and being as obsessed with it as I am is ideal. I don’t know when or how, but I like to think it’ll happen one day.
Other people have met their person on the road, why not me, right?
